Home is where the heart is?

Lately I am not feeling too perky. This is the main reason for there being no updates on this blog.... sometimes, living abroad is not all it's cracked up to be. At least for me.

There are many reasons why I say this, but I don't want to be a downer and bore you with them. I think that the biggest reason is being torn between two things. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I'm not someone who likes change or likes to be away from what is comfortable for me. Maybe I would be okay moving to Massachucetts... but across the ocean? At this point, everything is just too different. Nothing here is remotely the same as home, and that's tough, especially for me. I like to have my adventures on week-long vacations. Now, being here, being pregnant... I can't stand it anymore.

Home is where the heart is? This is where Bledi is, this is where I need to be. Of course. But I'm starting to get antsy. I need Bledi, yes, but I need him in the United States with me. I'm not saying I would choose living in the States over him - obviously not. I've already been there, done that, chosen Albania. But at this point, I'm not nearly as happy as I was when we first got here. The culture, the standards of living... these things are dragging me down.

So in June I am leaving, and I have mixed feelings about all of it. Of course, I'm pregnant... the baby can not be born here (for many reasons, the main of which being the standard of healthcare here. Sorry to Albanians, but it's very true). I'm okay for now, but I would not give birth here. And also obviously, I miss home. I miss my family. I can't imagine having the baby away from my family and friends.... but going home means I'm going solo. For now. For an unidentifiable amount of time solo. It's up to the US Government when Bledi comes home, not me, not him. Leaving means that I'm leaving him - and we have never been apart for that long. I'm hoping and praying for the best, but this is a tough situation to be in. You don't have to feel bad for me. I'm just trying to deal with everything in the best way that I can, like I have been, and like we have been doing. I hope that all of my (and our) sacrifices will pay off soon.